Beverly M. Davis,
Ph.D.
Psychologist
Psychotherapist
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"Your job is to focus on my happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over."
- Brian Andreas
Family Therapy
A family system is like any other system in that it has moving parts (like people) and tasks to do (like pay the bills and support each member). If you think about it that way you can begin to see that if two people in the system don't speak to each other (she's impossible to deal with) or someone falls apart and can't do their share then some repair is needing to happen and tasks reassigned. There also has to be some truth telling and fessing up of the parties holding grudges. Anger usually is a cover for hurt feelings, and family members need to be reminded of the love that lives in the system (yes, love really exists, even in YOUR family). And everyone, if they go see a therapist, will need to admit that they want things fixed.
So, when your family is in crisis you might grab your opportunity to find a person who can guide all of you and grease the wheels of the system so that someone has your back in hard times. You might be thinking, "She just doesn't know my family or she wouldn't be so hopeful." Well, maybe there is no hope, but you won't know if you don't try.
"The first time they met, time stopped and when it finally began again, they laughed with relief because it wasn't too late to have the whole rest of their lives together."
- Brian Andreas
Individual Therapy
One of the wonderful things about therapy is that the hour is all about you. Many of the rules of social interaction don't apply in the therapy hour. I am here to listen to you and together we will work on the issues that brought you to my office.
You may want to express and explore thoughts or feelings that are shameful to you, or share a reaction to something I said. You don't have to listen to how my day is going or worry if you have hurt my feelings. Life is short and you probably want to get on with your plans... or make some.
I told him if he kept being mean to his brother he might come back as a rodent in his next life and he shrugged and said that's the chance he'd have to take.
- Brian Andreas
Couples
There are very few people who don't dream of a partnership filled with love. We all want a partner who can see who we really are, even sometimes, see wonderful things in us that we do not yet see in ourselves. We want to let down our guard and still be found lovable. When a relationship sours the pain can be unbearable. This is a time when we really need help to see if it can be fixed, if there is still love underneath the anger and betrayal, to look gently at our own contributions to the problem. Couple's therapy is only for the brave, but the truth of the situation can help us face what needs to be done.
When both people want to figure out the next step, it is very important to find a skilled therapist because many factors come into play which can stump even the brightest and the best partners. A skilled therapist can hold the center, be on the side of both partners and on the side of the relationship itself. And a therapist can see where each partner's own family history is brought into the situation and how this history can blind them to seeing their part in the problem and in finding a resolution. The sessions will probably feel like hard work, partners can often feel spent at the end. It is worth the effort for each person and the relationship.